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Before we venture into the 66 Best Sleep Jokes & Insomnia One Liners, I just had to show you guys this video of kids falling asleep in unusual places!
We all know that sleep problems like Insomnia & sleep deprivation aren’t funny. But here at improvesleeps.com, we believe that you’ve still gotta laugh, sometimes, if you can!
So we decided to make a list of funny Sleep Jokes or one liners, just like this one!
I know that some of these Sleep Jokes will appeal to all fellow sufferers but don’t forget, we have more serious posts for your perusal afterwards.
I have also made a Journal over at Amazon, where sufferers can write down their thoughts about their sleep problems, yet still get some amusement out of the jokes that are on every other page.
Tell me what you think of it guys, only $6.99 over at Amazon. Don’t worry about the author being a Marion Wilkes as that is my pen name over at Amazon as homage to my late Mother!
Now, on with the show!
- “I’ve stayed up all night trying to remember if I have amnesia or insomnia”
- “Wife: “You told me so many bad things in your sleep last night” Husband: “Who was asleep?”
- “You know your a mum when your fantasies are about sleeping!”
- “Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone”
- “Night: “I can’t find a comfortable position to sleep” Morning: “Every position is comfortable”
- “I have a condition that makes me eat when I can’t sleep, it’s called Insom-nom-nom-nom-nia!”
- “Sleep Announcement: “Today is cancelled, go back to bed”
- “My brain during the day: “Potato, potato, ching chong potato” – My brain during the night: “I wonder why the Earth was placed exactly here and allowed us to provide a perfect climate to sustain human life.”
- “Some people don’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have internet connection”
- Me: “Let me sleep” – Brain: “lol, no, let’s stay awake and remember every stupid decision you made in your life.”- Me:”Okay”
- “What idiot called it insomnia and not resisting a rest?”
- “I want to sleep Doctor, but my brain won’t stop talking to itself”
- “Today I’m wearing a lovely shade of I slept like crap so don’t piss me off!”
- “Insomnia sufferers, look on the bright side, only 3 more sleeps till Christmas”
- “I’m so tired my tired is tired”
- “My day starts backwards…I wake up tired and go to bed wide awake”
- “I really enjoy the sound of my husband snoring”, said no women ever!”
- “I am not an early bird or a night owl…I am some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon”
- “I really think that tossing and turning all night should be considered exercise”
- “At night I can’t sleep-In the morning I can’t wake up”
- “I got paid for being part of a study at the sleep clinic – It was my dream job”
- “What do you call a sleeping bull? – A bull dozer”
- “There was a kidnapping at school yesterday – It’s okay though, he woke up”
- “I was lonely so I bought a sheep and called it “Relation”, – Now I have a relationsheep”
- “Which pill do you give an elephant that can’t sleep? – A trunkquillizer”
- “What do you call a person who sleeps next to a close relative? – A napkin”
- “I always sleep on a chandelier – I’m a light sleeper”
- “Where do fish sleep? – In a river bed”
- “Sleeping comes naturally to me, – I could do it with my eyes closed”
- “What do you call a sleepwalking nun? – A roamin’ catholic”
- A boxer is whining to his doctor that he can’t sleep. “I won’t give you sleeping tablets, you just need to use the classic method of counting sheep” Says the doc.- “I tried, but everytime I get to 9 I jump off the bed” says the boxer.
- “I found a cure for my wife’s insomnia…all I have to do is express a desire to have sex with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep”
- “Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? – To stop the snoring before it starts”
- “Mike Tyson sleeps with a nightlight…not because he’s afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Mike Tyson”
- “People who snore always fall to sleep first”
- “The difference between light and hard, is that you can sleep with a light on”
- “I was once arrested for walking in someone else’s sleep”
- “I was having difficulty deciding if I wanted to purchase this bed I was looking at, so the salesman told me…sleep on it”
- “Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish…my dreams were broadcast all over the world”
- “I asked my wife, last night, were you faking it? – No, I was really sleeping”
- “For sincere advice and the correct time, call any number at random at 3.00 am”
- “If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words ‘we need to talk about our relationship’ may help”
- “In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later, one of your nightmares will”
- “Before marriage, a man will go home and lie awake all night thinking about something you said: after marriage, he’ll go to sleep before you finish saying it”
- “You know you’re getting older when ‘happy hour” is a nap”
- “You can’t wake a person who is pretending to sleep”
- “Sleep is death without the responsibility”
- “Excuse me, my leg has gone to sleep: Do you mind if I join it?”
- “I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn’t toss and turn, we’d never have had the kid”
- “Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself”
- “No human being believes that any other human being has the right to be in bed when he himself is up”
- “If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side”
- “They should make an alarm clock that sounds like a cat getting ready to vomit, NOTHING makes you jump out of bed faster!”
- “The average sleep required by an average person is ‘five minutes more’.”
- “There’s a sleeping person, let’s go ask it questions, say children everywhere!.”
- “I will not sleep until I find a cure for my insomnia”
- “I love sleep because it’s like a time machine to breakfast”
- “I can never last long in bed. Five minutes of my wife’s snoring and I’m off to the spare room”
- “She does not SNORE: She is NASALLY REPETITIVE”
- “Men are like portable heaters that snore”
- “Women do not snore, fart or burp, they therefore have to bitch and moan or else they will blow up”
- “A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores”
- “This guy’s wife found a quieter place for his snoring-She went to the airport”
- “Yesterday, he took his snoring to new heights. It was heard three floors up”
- For years my wife complained about my snoring, and for some $2 earplugs, I’ve managed to sort it out. I can’t hear her moaning now.
Hi there, I do hope you enjoyed this light hearted look at “Sleep Jokes”. If you arrived here because you have sleep “issues”, then you may wish to view some of our other posts such as “Light therapy for sleep, does it really work?”
Just before you go,I found a sleep animal video that I thought you might like,just below the bear!